Looking for the Signs

[Travel Agent: Mullumbimby]

Its true to say that my ancient forefathers were somewhat obsessed with the interpretation of signs and portents.

No war, expedition, building-work, or even trip to the shops might be undertaken unless the augurs had first been consulted and the portents interpreted in a suitably propitious manner. Just getting the imperial family off for a short holiday could be a lengthy, complex and at times, bloody business. The signs just had to be right!

Being an altogether more modern emperor, I do not really hold with past traditions in this respect; amongst other factors they were starting to get a bit suspicious of me at the local pet shop.

However, although the cultural and historical context may be very different, I still keep a watchful eye for the signs around me.

Indeed, although Australia may not have a great classical heritage, there is still just enough to make old Romans like Pliny and I feel at home. Below is just a small sample of some of the signs we have been noticing.

[Trendy Apartment block: Melbourne, CBD]

[I had no idea it went so far: Blue Mountains]

[Melbourne, CBD]

[Katoomba, Blue Mountains]

[Melbourne, St Kilda]

Of course in other respects, some of the signage we have seen in Australia has left Pliny and I altogether more confused.

[Ian Doyle: More than just a butcher! No wonder the dogs so excited.: Gunnedah]

[Surely it depends on how hard one tries?: Sydney, Epping]

[Well they did keep the sign up for a good length of time: Melbourne]

[A great wee Restaurant: Sydney, CBD]

I will keep my eyes open for more signs, but so far the gods seem to be favouring us on our travels.

The Adventures of Pliny and Me

I am not sure what the man himself would make of it, but its true to say that Pliny The Younger has been traveling faithfully with me in Australia for these past few weeks.

He's a stolid and moderate companion, but if you know how to read him, Pliny is full of re-assuring wisdom and at times is even pretty amusing.

The sun is fierce out here - even in winter - so I have had to insist that Pliny wears plenty of sun-cream.

Its just a bit embarrassing when Pliny insists on ordering fruity cocktails! Believe me, some of the backwater towns I've been in recently are definitely NOT cocktail towns!

[The picture above was taken in a bar that had proper saloon doors for goodness sake! We were lucky not to end up on the news!]

Still, I think Pliny has been enjoying himself - at least he's been getting out the house a bit.

Pliny on Loss

"Our friend Marcinus has had a terrible blow; he has lost his wife, ... Marcinus has indeed the great consolation of having possessed such a treasure for so long, though it is this that makes his loss so hard to bear; for our enjoyment of pleasure increases the pain of deprivation. So I shall continue to be anxious for him, for I love him dearly, until he can permit himself some distraction and allow his wound to heal; nothing can do this but acceptance of the inevitable, lapse of time, and surfeit of grief."

[Pliny The Younger; Letter to Rosianus Geminus]

The Perfect Coffee

The perfect coffee, served to me in Sydney harbour by a barrista that obviously had a real talent.


'It was a pleasant cafe, warm and clean and friendly and I hung up my old waterproof on the coatrack to dry and put my worn and weathered felt hat on the rack above the bench and ordered a cafe au lait. The waiter brought it and I took out a notebook from the pocket of the coat and a pencil and started to write.'

[Ernest Hemingway]

All Roads Lead to Roma

They have long said that "... all roads lead to Roma" and indeed that classical sentiment was of its time most definitely true.

However, what they certainly do NOT tell you, is that there is more than one Roma in this world and that the difference between these can be somewhat profound!

Take Roma, Australia for example; a gas and oil town, well within the rural flat scrub land of Queensland. Its certainly very different from the Eternal city that I was planning to see!

Roma may not have an abundance of classical culture, but it does have its own distinctive feel to it and there is no doubt that it also has a more than valid history of its own.

The local pubs are pretty scary and full of real no-nonsense working men who look like they live tough physical lives. I cannot say that anyone in Roma was mean to us exactly, but I cannot say that they were friendly either. At best they projected a kind cold disinterest or taciturn suspicion.

One of the few people who would speak to us was the local bar manager who was an outsider himself. It would almost be an understatement to describe him as a deeply unhappy man. He made it pretty clear that he hated the town and was literally counting the days until he could get out. We guessed that this situation had not been helped since the locals had badly smashed up his hotel bar the week before; apparently more the result of rough excitement rather than any intended malice.

Elements of Roma are pretty weird and it certainly seems to be the kind of town where everyone drives a Ute (pick-up), with dog tied to back being a compulsory accessory. I would also guess people own guns as many of the local road signs seemed to be liberally perforated with shotgun holes. However, we did not see any trouble at all.

We stayed in a really shabby drive-in motel where the landlady tried to rip us off on the room rate within the first 5 minutes. We ate at the recommended 'best' restaurant in town and the food was shockingly bad! I can pretty much guess what a Latanist snob such as a Cicero, Pliny or Tacitus would have made of the place, yet despite all this, I loved it!

[I love the local trees - they make me look so thin!]

It was a culture shock rolling up into this wee town out in the endlessly flat scrub land, but it was well worth it for the experience. The shape, colour, fauna and light of this landscape is pretty special and not at all what one would be used to from a European perspective.

You see some pretty obscure sights as you drive along for hours on endlessly flat straight roads in which you might only pass a handful of cars in a whole day of driving.

[So that's why I'm always waiting on the No. 42]

I'm still not exactly sure how I managed to get to the wrong Roma? I must have a wee word with the Imperial travel agent when I get back. I don't think my Imperial forefathers would have taken kindly to this kind of mix-up: Caligula and Nero would have gone mental!

Still, I will just need to take it in my stride and make the best of it from here on.

Delivery Problems

With the growing trend towards internet shopping, it occurred to me recently that I and many others I know, spend much of our time in the modern age, waiting for purchases to arrive via mail-order or courier delivery.

The unique frustrations and disappointments of waiting for deliveries will be known by anyone who has ordered with just about any internet company. The specific problems of late arrival or of having courier delivery only during working hours - when one is of course at work - are particular problems of which I have had much personal experience.

It may then be of some consolation to note that my Roman ancestors also experienced disappointments and frustrations in this very sphere, as is attested by Pliny in his consolatory letter to his good mate Valerius Maximus:

 

"You did well to put on a show of gladiators for the people of Verona, ... . You have also done admirably in giving the show so readily and on such a lavish scale, for this indicates a true spirit of generosity. I am only sorry the African panthers that you had bought in such quantities did not turn up on the appointed day, but you deserve the credit although the weather prevented their arriving in time; it was not your fault that you could not show them."

 

[Pliny the Younger; Letter to Valerius Maximus]

 

This insight will certainly be in my mind, next time that my temples are bulging at the prospect of a delayed or missing order of DVDs. However, it also leaves me with the enduring question, as to just what one does with a late and ultimately useless delivery of African panthers? I for one wouldn't be trying to get the return labels on that pack of angry cats.

[P.S. Perhaps not many people realise that mighty internet giant Amazon literally started trading in ancient Roman times; specialising initially in the cross mediteranean shipment of fighting maidens from the fabled warrior tribe of the same name. They have since obviously expanded their range.]

An Imperial Journey.

As was well appreciated by my imperial Roman forefathers, there are times when an emperor is compelled to travel from the centre of his administration to survey the extent of his domains and meet with his most loyal subjects in the provinces.

That fact was well understood by previous rulers such as Caligula, Claudius and Nero who all took formal jaunts to the provinces and even fringes of empire; travelling with their imperial retinues to meet the troops and letting the people see their divine ruler. Well, its only fair on the people.

With this in mind, I have made the decision to make such a journey back to where it all began to the spiritual and political home of my Latin ancestors. All roads lead to Roma as they say and I have phoned the imperial travel agent and booked my ticket - I'm traveling patrician class!

My retinue is small and my means are modest, but I look forward to re-visiting the historical foundations of my Roman heritage. The seven hills of Roma beckon ...

In Defence of Seagulls

I'm shocked to have learned in my adult life that many people -including people I know - do not like seagulls!

Indeed many do not like them at all and even harbour something of an irrational hatred towards them - especially the really big scary looking ones. You know, the massive ones that smoke and hang outside the amusement arcades with their big combat-boots.

Anyway, I'd just like to offer a note in defence of seagulls. I really do not mind them. Indeed, I actually quite like them.

I asked my Mum why she hated seagulls and she said, "... its because they are nasty birds ... and she felt she had been bullied by them."

I mean honestly, who has ever been bullied by a seagull! That's just embarrassing. I don't even think they're were any seagulls at my Mum's old School - it was well in-land and surely the teachers would not have stood for it. lol.